Hello, everybody!Long time no see (or should I say "long time no write" ).Anyway, since i have finished with my exams more than a month ago, I spent the rest of the summer in Bulgaria with my friends etc...But there is really something I can not hold in myself, so I decided to visit the good old blog and just want to pour my soul here hoping that some people won't judge me.
So, as I already said I was in Bulgaria, where the sun is shinning, the birds are singing, my mom makes me cakes and my dad wakes me up with coffee every morning and in the evening the party is always in the list.Yeah, I know, sounds too good to be truth, but when you are on a vacation everything seems to be perfect!And to be honest - it was!Infact I was happy and even though I've been rejected 1 month ago by the boy I think I'm in love with(*), I had a wonderful summer, I found a great guy(**) and I actually thought he might be the perfect one.And infact he was!He was everything I have ever wanted - smart and funny and sweet and I had a great time with him.The problem that probably didn't give me the possibility to fall in love with him, like him, was that even though I had everything I needed, I kept on thinking about the other guy and this really breaks my heart - first of all, because * was a complete asshole to me and practically he used me and left me fall in love with him without thinking about the consequences, and second of all because ** is a really good guy and I keep on thinking that perhaps I'm a big selfish bitch(not being able to answer to his feelings the way he would like me to).
The question I'm asking myself everyday is WHY THE HELL I am always searching for the one who plays "hard to get", who doesn't even deserve my love and at the same time I can't accept the one that is too available to me.Am i punishing the guys for being too available, or I just can't fall in love anymore with someone if there is “no game” .And the thing that scares me the most is that probably my choice of men is always the same – I reject those who are crazy about me, and I’m dying for a phone call from those who don’t give a sh** .To love or not to love – that is the question and it still needs to be answered also if I’m aware of the fact that keeping all this to myself is the thing that won’t let me be happy.
Note:actually I wrote this about 3 weeks ago, but I was plucking up courage, just because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, which I am probably doing now as well.But I can't feel more miserable than I am actually now - so "enjoy" !
Don't worry, hurting someone's feelings can sometimes make that person stronger :)
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