How many times do I have to walk down the same road again without judging myself for the mistakes I've made, for those I'm still making and for those I'm aware I'm about to make. This was not a question.
Here we are again. Same blog. More or less same hour. The hour of feeling sad, disappointed and betrayed by some stupid boys, trying to look happy, though, but still feeling kinda empty on the inside. Some of us would say - why is it so hard to find the happiness, life's good and full of good things that could really make you feel fine. Sure, I have always had a great family, great parents who have sacrificied everything for their children, a great sister, the most important person in my life, who, I know, will be always there for me, a whole bunch of friends who won't be always there for me, but at least they will be there when I need "CHEERS!" company. Yes, having all this is everything a person needs to be happy. Almost.
Lately, I've been thinking why the F*** it's so hard to find someone that will always be there for me, when the people I've just mentioned won't be able to. Well, I think I might have found the correct answer to my question. That's because it's me who is not interested anymore. Hello, I'm Mery, I'm 21 years old, I'm single and I think I will always be, because I am so scared of being involved with some guy, that I completely lose every interes as soon as I get a little bit closer with him. - Hiiii, Mery!
I have been asking myself is it true that there is a train for every passanger in this life. Well, may be there isn't. May be, it's us that build a wall between the people we desperately want in our lives. Of course everything I've just said is due to a lot of things. I personally, can say that for my age I've been suffering for a very long time, looking here and there for the right person, trying to look happy for my friends, who by the way have ALL boyfriends and still pretending life's good anyway and telling everybody that I'm too young to search for the "knight on the white horse" and that I don't wanna be in a relationship.
Well, I think I've reached time of my life where I couldn't be more disgusted of myself. I am just not interested. And I'm not gay(!!!). I just don't care.
Re-reading the things I just wrote I feel even worse than before and perhaps, I should even stop writing before I start crying, realizing how miserable and sorrowful I might sound. It's 2:38. Enough self-pity for tonight.
